You Should've Killed Me When You Had The Chance
by ErochikkuNeko
Summary: Warning: This is not for the faint of heart.Madison is involved in a twisted tale of love,pain,and insanity because of one thought:Maybe I am gay.In this song fic you will not believe the truth,the lies,and the inevitable-ness of this girl's fate.


**Authors Note**(My first one ever XD)**:** This is possibly the most demented thing I've ever written. This isn't a true story(thank God), but it did birth from true thoughts. It was also twisted and partially inspired by the Song- You Should've Killed Me When You Had the Chance. I did a little more work on this before posting it and it did make me cry. So you know it's a hard read. A lot of characters used are real, I've just sed different names for them. Some don't even exist. I own everything here except the song. All that credit goes to A Day to Remeber. Review please and if you don't understand something please ask. The song lyrics are in bold print. The titles bold and underlined. The italics at the end is the ending of the letter/story and the bang at the end is the last shot fired.

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**You should have killed me when you had the chance**

_Maybe I am gay…?_

That's the thought that started this whole mess. Now here I am, six months later, certifiably homicidal _and_ psycho. You're probably wondering what the hell I'm talking about right? Well let me start at the beginning.

My name is Madison Templet. I went to Lafayette High School in the State of Louisiana. And I'm fifteen years old. It sounds odd, huh? I'm pretty messed up in the head. Nobody gets me really, nobody but this one guy. And it's not that he understood me, it was simply the fact that, around him I felt different. I didn't feel full of problems or chaos. I felt sane.

His name was Christopher Vint. I hadn't really ever met him face to face, except for once. I had met him over the internet. We fell in love that way. People might think it's not possible or insane. First of all, look who they're talking to. Secondly, I knew I loved him from the nerve endings in my brain, to the very depths of my soul. He made me feel amazing. And I always had a smile when hearing his voice. Even if he had never kissed me at the time, I knew. We were together with out any physical contact for eight months. I honestly don't know how we did it, but sometimes it really wasn't enough.

**The only thing that's going to bother me**

**Is that you'll all call yourselves my friends**

By the time high school started I had made a few new friends. One of them just happened to be gay. His name was J.C., as far as I knew anyway. I told him of my love of gay guys, from watching them "get physical" to them just being gay in general. He told me to come with him to a GSA—Gay Straight Alliance—meeting.

_Sure, why not?_

That was my thought at the time. Now I'm not entirely sure if I regret it or not. I had had a great time at that meeting. It was fun to hear everyone's views and meet new people. I had met plenty of lesbians, too, as well as gays.

Now as far as it went, I was a pretty open-minded person. My line always was: "Sure, I'll make out with a girl, but I won't date one. Or have sex." After that day, I began to question it. Later on I became really upset about the fact that I couldn't get a boyfriend and received the best of advice I ever had from my "Aunt" Dodie(we aren't really related, she's my mom's best friend). She had basically said that if I wanted people to like me I should change my look. Not "fit in", but be less out there. I was pissed when she'd said it because my mom hadn't respected my wishes, but after I got over that I took it.

I ended up cutting all of my hair off and I have to admit I looked pretty cute. My mom said I always had with short hair, but _I_ had told _her_ that I'd never do it again. I had still remembered why, too. I was called a boy. Twice. But I figured seeing as I looked more like a girl now I try it again.

Ever since the GSA meeting I had been mulling over the thought of me being a boy. I already knew that if I had been born a boy I probably would have been gay. I certainly looked like I should have been a boy. Even my family miss took me for a boy once. After thinking over that lovely subject I thought:_ Well, seeing as I was born a girl, maybe I'm supposed to be lez._

I really didn't know. So a few days later I wake up and look in the mirror and actually think I am a boy for a couple of seconds because that's how my hair looked. Like I was a boy. I had lost my part and my bangs were pushed to the side. Then I remembered the worst part. I had had a dream that I did it with a girl! I had never asked or wanted to be gay, I swear! But from that moment on I was pretty sure I was. So I did the only think I could think of. I told people.

Of course right after that I realized that I probably wasn't and it was my brain doing that thing it always does where it gets over dramatic and I do stupid stuff that really makes no sense. I wasn't gay. I knew I wasn't gay. I had already told people though and I couldn't just take it back. "Ha ha, just kidding!" Yeah, that would've worked out nicely.

Like I said before, I was already messed up in the head. I knew it, too. I just didn't know how to prove it to others without being completely embarrassed or making everything awkward. It was also about the time I realized this that I stopped talking to my mom about things. I tried not to talk to other people either, but I just love to talk. That's what taught me that people can't be trusted. So anyway, I had stopped talking to my mom, so of course she never found out until it was too late. But that isn't what I'm talking about now.

So a few days after I made my big announcement, a girl from GSA introduced me to her friend. Her _female _friend. Now don't get my wrong, I thought this chick was hot! Like very hot. It was thoughts like that that made me think I was gay, too. And it turned out that we became really close friends. At the time my closest friend was Beth Pacheco and I knew no one could replace her, but this girl was a close second. Her name was Alicia Sliver.

Obviously, I hadn't told Christopher either of my "exciting" revelation. I really never planned, too. He was four freaking states away. I never thought he'd find out. I never thought my life would end up this way. I never, ever thought it'd be my entire fault. I never thought my last two days as a normal teenager would be that bloody.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

**Going Out:**

"Hey, Madison!"

I turned to see Alicia running from the direction of the 500 building.

"World Geography?" I called back to her, trying as hard as I could to not stare as she ran. I had been about to enter the 200 building where Mrs. Hardgrave held the GSA(Gay Straight Alliance) meetings and was holding the door open when Alicia called me.

"Mhmm," she said, stepping inside before me. I smiled and walked in behind her. She was panting softly when she got to the building and now she was practically hyperventilating as we ran down the hall and up stairwell C. I giggled and she glared at me, causing her to trip a bit on the top stair.

"Don't laugh," she said as we ran down the second story hallway in pursuit of room 206.

"Don't run!" I retorted as we reached the classroom, inevitably first. We both doubled over and laughed outside of the locked classroom.

"It's the only way to get here first though!" she whined and pushed me off of her, when I leaned against her for support. I laughed again and leaned against the wall.

"Remind me why we have to be here first?" I asked, running my fingers through my hair to make it less fluffy.

"So my mom doesn't find out."

"And she can't find out because?"

Alicia straightened up and took on a solemn expression. "She'd kill me. Especially if…"

She threw her arm around my waist and pulled me close to her body, leaning forward slightly so she'd have the upper hand. Alicia and I were about the same height and body type, but she always seemed more dominate. And I let her be.

She leaned closer and pressed her lips lightly to my ear, breathing the words into it softly, "She found out about us."

I blushed lightly and took in a sharp breath when she bit my earlobe. She smiled at my reaction and someone squealed down the hall. We both turned to see J.C. and Brenden (J.C.'s current boyfriend). Alicia almost dropped me when we saw them, not because she didn't want _them_ to know, but because I didn't want them thinking we were together. It was just one of her cruel perv jokes she played on me. Cruel, because she had no idea I liked her…So I thought.

"What do you think you're doing?" J.C. said in his over dramatic way.

"Nothing! Absolutely nothing." I said grabbing Alicia's hand that she'd been holding out for me ever sense I'd pushed her away.

"If you don't want people to think you're going out, why do you do that?" Brenden asked, involuntary grabbing his boyfriend's hand.

"We don't care if people _think_ we're going out." Alicia said like it was drop dead obvious.

"I just want to make sure you _know_ we're not." I said, absently rubbing circles around the back of Alicia's hand. "Emphasis on 'you'."

_Now that I think back on it that act must've been what made Alicia snap, because at the time I had had no idea what it was._

Alicia gripped my hand so tight I could feel the circulation cutting off, her body began to tremble lightly and everything went deadly quite as we all watched. I knew that Alicia had extensive medical issues and I knew how to help if she went into a sudden seizure, however I was totally unprepared for what happened next.

Alicia kissed me. Lip to lip. Breath mingled. Total blackout.

"So much for not going out," Brenden said as J.C. laughed.

**3 Month Anniversary:**

"So how long has it been?" Beth asked as her, Alicia and I walked to the cafeteria.

"Three months," Alicia said, tightening her arm around my shoulder. She was definitely the guy in the relationship.

"Really?" I asked, looking at her astounded.

"Yup." She said, smiling at me."

"That was fast." I said, looking down at the tiled floor of the Café Lobby.

"You never told him," Beth and Alicia said at the same time. From Beth it was a question, from Alicia it was bitter statement.

"I can't…" I said softly, shrinking away from my girlfriend. She gladly dropped her arm and crossed them over her chest.

"Madison, you can't be in love with him _and _expect me to be with you," Alicia said, not bothering to not make a scene.

"I can't." I said again. I glanced at Beth for help but she looked as terrified as I felt.

"I'm tired of all this crap, Madison! I fucking love you! Isn't that enough?" Alicia was fuming now and everyone in line was watching us. I cowered before her, on the verge of tears. "Choose one," she said bluntly.

"What?" My head shot up.

"Choose," she demanded, her voice rising.

"And if I don't," I said, my voice rising as well.

"You have, too." Louder and angrier.

"If I can't?" Scared and furious.

"You must!" Alicia screamed, pushing my into the bulletin board that contained the list of clubs. My head hit the plastic board and I slid onto the concrete bench, tears streaming out of my eyes.

"I can't." I said, my voice soft again.

_I didn't know if she looked at me. I didn't know if she looked at Beth. If she glared or turned red with fury. I had no idea. I did know though, that she walked away._

**Unwanted Surprise:**

"I can't do it." I said for the fifth time that night. This time I was talking into my tiny black phone, though, and telling a lot of lies.

"Why does this Alicia chick want you to choose between her and Beth?" Christopher asked kindness in every ounce of his voice.

"I…I don't…" I hung up and turned my phone off. I couldn't tell him.

_Had I known where he was, though, I don't think I would've hung up._

**The writings on the wall, you've read that I'll be gone, but if you call my name**

**Just know that I'll come running, for one more night to spare with you**

**This is where I'm meant to be, please don't leave me**

After I set my phone down on the bed I was currently sitting on I jumped as something hit my window—repeatedly. When my heart rate went back to normal and turned and made a crack in my blinds to see outside. Alicia was standing outside my window with tear streaks on her cheeks. I quickly pulled my blinds open and opened my window, scooting back as she crawled over the railing on my bed, into my bed. I opened up my arms and she leaned into them, hugging me tightly. And before I knew it we were kissing. Her arms wrapped around my waist. Mine were around her neck. I pushed her back until I was lying on top of her and her hands began to travel up the back of my shirt.

"What the fuck?" someone said from outside my window and I broke away from Alicia to look up at Christopher.

Time froze for about three years and the only thing that passed through my mind was, _He's here._

Suddenly I pushed off of Alicia and jumped out of the window into Christopher's arms. The shock of seeing me face to face for the first time must have caught up to him, because he held me for a few seconds before Alicia jumped out of the window also, "Let my girlfriend go!"

"Your girlfriend? She's my girlfriend!" Christopher retorted, pushing me behind him.

"Right! That's why she was making out with me. She's never even kissed you!" Alicia sneered.

Christopher turned and looked at me, his eyes wide. The shock had worn off. "Why _were_ you kissing her?" he asked me.

"I-I don't…It was…"

"Because she doesn't love you anymore. That's why." Alicia grabbed my arm and pulled me to her.

Christopher's eyes got wide with untold horror and glassed over. He looked so heart broken it was making my heart break. "Is…Is that true…Madison?"

I pushed Alicia and her smug smile out of my way and ran to him. "No! I still love you, I love you so much!"

"Bitch!" Alicia called, spinning me around and slapping me. I placed my hand on my cheek and stumbled sideways a bit. "If you won't tell him the truth I will." Alicia turned away from me as my eyes filled with tears and looked Christopher in the eye, her voice emotionless and cold. "She's my girlfriend. She loves me. She's not even straight anymore. You're of no use to her. At all."

_Every word she had spoken burned like a thousand cuts across my skin. Why? Because they were all true. I didn't know that then though. I just thought it was the way she'd said them._

Christopher glared at her. He didn't even look at me. He stepped forward until he was so close that they would have looked like they were going to kiss if they weren't starring daggers at each other.

"Don't you dare, _ever_, slap her again." Christopher grabbed my arm and stalked away, with me trailing behind him as Alicia screamed very loud profanities after us. He shoved me into the front driver side of the car. I crawled over into the passenger side as he pushed his way in and hit the gas, not even taking the time to close the door.

I had to do it for him.

By the time we got halfway to the hotel he was staying at during his surprise visit, we had both calmed down enough to realize that we were both seeing each other for the very first time. I stared at him and he spared me quick glances as we drove and longing stares at each stop light. By the time we pulled into a parking space at the hotel it was all I could do to keep from jumping him.

Unfortunately he beat me to it. As soon as the car was parked I was pressed against the car door in a fairly uncomfortable position and my lips and nerve endings were being easily conquered.

**Betrayal:**

Back in the hotel room Christopher left to go take a shower and I happily faked a smile, sitting down on the only bed in the room. As soon as I heard the water running I began to cry terrible sobs of a tortured soul.

I had had no idea what I was going to do and I knew Christopher was going to be furious with me. I had to be honest with him. I loved Alicia. With my heart and soul. And I loved Christopher. Just as much.

After about five minutes of sobbing I gathered my remaining wits and began to think. About 45 minutes later Christopher came out o f the shower and sat next to me.

**I've read these stories a thousand times, and now I'll rewrite them all**

**You're meddling in an anger you can't control**

**She means the world to me, so hold your serpent tongue**

**Is a whores lies worth dying for? I'll just take my time**

"Why?" he asked bluntly.

I had decided to be honest. "I love her." And I apparently picked a bad time to do so.

His eyes flashed with the anger you only see in mad men and he hit me. I gaped at him. Not only had he been hypocritical, but he had actually _hit_ me. He stood up and faced me, ready to strike again, tears filling his eyes. His hand came flying downward but I grabbed it just in time, standing up and slapping him in return.

"You lied to me!" he shouted, pulling his hand away quickly and recoiling from my powerful hit.

"You slapped me!" I retorted, turning slightly so he couldn't make the move twice. He had sworn never to hurt me that way. He had made the promise over and over, that was the ultimate betrayal, that was the breaking point.

"You deserved it, bitch!"

"I hate you! I can't believe you'd act like this! I never did anything to you!"

"You broke me heart!"

"Like you've never broken mine!"

"Not in this way!"

"I _hate_ you!"

"You will always love me. You can't escape it, we were meant to be, you know it." His words were whispered, but they burned my flesh as if he had branded them into me. I just looked at him, breathing heavily, waiting for him to continue. I knew he was right. I had lied. I was a terrible person. I cheated, lied, and broke his heart. I had sworn never to do what I'd done.

_At least, at the time, that was my thought processes. I later found out that I had just begun to go crazy the minute he had slapped me. I don't know what, but something in me just snapped at __that betrayal._

**Th****e writings on the wall, you've read that I'll be gone, but if you call my name**

**Just know that I'll come running, for one more night to spare with you**

**This is where I'm meant to be, please don't leave me**

I grabbed his hand again, this time as sign of passion and my ultimate love for him. I fell to my knees and practically kissed his feet.

"What can I do to make it up to you?" I asked, my tears falling at his feet.

He fell to his knees in front of me and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close. He ran his lips over my hair and up my cheek, practically everywhere before he stopped at my ear and whispered into it, "Love me, and only me. Forget about that ho. Devote your life; everything to me."

I began to cry even harder at his request. "How the hell am I supposed to do that? I love her so much!" I tried to pull away but he wouldn't let me go. He pulled me closer, pressing his lips behind my ear and biting down, causing me to gasp as blood ran down my neck.

The words he had whispered made that same blood run cold and my heart shatter for the final time. I had no sanity left, no hope, no pain, no love. But I was his slave. I did whatever he wanted, and it all started, and ended, with this.

"Kill her."

**Adoration In Death:**

The next morning I woke up, found my clothes and went home to await the punishment that would come. I had gotten grounded. I planned to leave right after anyway. I had to get my job done. I didn't expect that I would have left the way I did though.

My mom yelled at me for about twenty minutes as my dad made stupid rants about how he was going to kill Christopher.

_That part had made me laugh on the inside._

After my mom 'sent me to my room' with no phone, TV, or computer, I called Alicia and told her I was coming over. My sister had walked in though while I was finishing the conversation. Her name was Anne and she was only six. She hadn't known any better, but Christopher said to not let anyone stand in my way.

_It was finding out just what I had done to fulfill this part of his orders that really brought me back to sanity._

Anne walked into my room saying that I wasn't supposed to be on the phone. She had inherited me and my mother's trait to talk awfully loud and my mom came down the hall, yelling.

"Madison, I thought I told you, no phone, no TV, no—!"

What she saw made her stop dead.

I held the gun Christopher had given me (that I had hidden under my shirt) from my bed side table and held it to the center of Anne's forehead, gun cocked, ready to shoot, as she stared up at me with her big; beautiful innocent blue eyes.

"Madison! Nooooooo!" my mother yelled as blood and brains splattered the walls and floor of my room. Anne fell back into my mothers arms and lay lifeless. My mother turned her sobbing face to me, her eyes filled with horror.

"How could you?" she choked out, clutching Anne's lifeless body to her chest, tears spilling down her cheeks and landing in Anne's golden hair.

"Christopher gave me a job to do. I must complete it at all costs." My eyes where soulless and empty and black as I re-cocked the gun and fired. My mother fell to the floor. Her body just as lifeless as the six year old sister I had adored in her arms.

**Screams For Sanity:**

I pulled into Alicia's driveway about three deaths and thirty minutes later. I had killed my two older sisters, Kay and Marie, and my dad, when they tried to stop me from leaving the house.

I tucked the gun under my shirt again and rang the doorbell, waiting patiently for Alicia to answer the door. When she finally did she pulled me into a tight hug which had made the gun slip from under my shirt and fall to the ground.

**I walked into your house this morning**

**I brought the gun from our end table**

**Your blood was strewn across the walls**

**They'll find you on your bedroom floor**

"My parent's aren't home so we can do a little making-up, if you know what I--," she stopped short and looked down that gun that had just hit the ground. She stared at it for a few seconds obviously dumb struck. When she looked back up at me I just stared at her blankly, no emotion filling my face. She looked back to gun on the ground and then peered into my eyes.

Her scream of terror was earth shattering. She covered her mouth and backed up slowly, her back hitting the door frame before she finally made it into the house, but she was a second too late, I quickly bent down and grabbed the gun and just as swiftly grabbed Alicia's sleeve, pulling forward as she pulled back, causing the fabric to rip.

As soon as she was free, she ran, futilely slamming the door in my face.

"I'm guessing you figured it out then, huh, _sweetheart_?" the last word was drenched in the only inflection in my newly monotone voice—sarcasm. I thrust the door open and walked in casually after her.

"Stay away from me you demon!" she shrieked, racing up the stairs in her house.

_It was only later that I realized how fitting that name was._

"Is that anyway to talk to your girlfriend? I love you, baby." I said, slowly climbing up the stairs after her, actually giving her time to try and hide. I, demented as it was, was enjoying the torment that had filled her eyes when she saw the blackness that had filled mine. I was nothing but a shell of what I had used to be.

"Well, I hate you! You're nothing like the girl I fell in love with! What has he done to you?" Alicia called to me, being stupid enough to actually turn around and try to talk to me.

_She was really trying to save my soul; I was just too insane to see it._

"He hasn't done anything. I chose to do this for him. I love him more than I'll ever love you, you're a filthy whore. I can't believe I ever gave you a second glance."

Tears filled her eyes and she stepped closer to me, her hand stretched out. She was making all the perfect moves for me to take her out now, but I couldn't see it ending that way.

"I said I'd never let you go and I never did. I said I'd never let you fall and I always meant it. Have faith in me. I want to love you still. I want to be with you. You make me feel alive, and you're so amazing. Madison, I'm still in love with you." Alicia spilled her heart out and you know what I did?

I laughed. A cruel, painful, nails-on-a-chalk-board, laugh. "So what? Do you think I care?"

My laugh had had Alicia running again, toward her room. I began talking as I followed her, walking as I had before, only this time I began to set the gun for fire.

"I _hate_ you, Alicia. You make me wish I had never been born and I never want to see you again. Neither does Christopher and that's why I'm doing this. I never loved you and I never will."

By the time my cold hearted speech had ended, we were in her room and she was backed into the wall my gun pointed at her heart.

"Any last requests?" I asked, smiling a madman smile.

"Don't shoot?" She requested pathetically.

"Anything else that isn't as cliché?"

"No, but I still love you."

"Love me dead." My final words were clipped and bitter.

**Why can't you look me in the eyes one last time?**

She closed her eyes tightly and that struck me funny and made a tear fall from my eye, but I shook it off.

I fired the gun and the bullet went right through her heart as her shrieked pierced the air and the explosion practically broke my ear drums.

I blinked stupidly for a second and looked down at the gun in my hand as the tears fell without warning. The dripped onto the gun and mixed with the dabs of blood. They slid, intertwined, down the barrel and onto the immaculate white carpet.

"What have I done?" I whispered to myself, falling to my knees. Alicia's scream still rang in my ears and I screamed at myself and at her until my throat was sore and my eyes had cried all their tears. After that I stared at her lifeless body for a few minutes debating upon whether or not I should make the next move that had came to mind.

_That scream had been what saved my soul, just as she had intended to do; and my only wish now is that I could prove it too her. She gave me back my sanity, I owe her everything, but I have nothing left to give. It was that thought that helped me decide upon what I did next._

**Final Murder:**

My last stop before I turned myself in was Christopher's hotel room. I had left the gun I had been using as a tribute to my lost love. I kicked down the door to the room automatically causing a disturbance among the guests next to him. Many people walked out to see what was going on as I walked over the busted door into the hotel room.

I could hear the shower water running and thought about waiting for him to finish up. I sat on the bed as people examined the door and others called for security. One old woman was brave enough to actually walk a few steps in and speak to me.

"Miss, is there a problem here?" Her voice was frail and kind and it brought tears to my eyes when I thought about what she—what they all—where about to see.

"Yes, ma'am, there is. But I need to ask you to please stay outside of the room." I said getting up and helping her slowly climb back over the door and out side of the room.

"Such a kind and beautiful soul," she said, patting my hand.

"You'd be surprised, ma'am." I said, smiling despite the pain I felt. She looked at me puzzled and I shook my head stepping back into the room.

That's when I spotted the gun on the end table and picked it up. I examined it and came to the conclusion it was loaded and ready for use. I turned back to the old woman, smiled, and said, "Wish me luck…And cover your ears."

**I walked into your house this morning**

**I brought the gun from our end table**

**Your blood was strewn across the walls**

**They'll find you on your bathroom floor when I'm done**

She did as I said, even though she was still very much confused, and I opened the door to the bathroom quietly, slipping inside without a sound.

The small bathroom was filled with steam that slowly escaped out the open door. I had left it open so he could see it as I finish the job he had given me, to prove that I hadn't let anyone stand in my way. I cocked the gun and everything but the water coming from the shower head grew quiet as it clicked. Even the people outside silenced, waiting for the terror that was to come.

Christopher's shape slowly turned the water off and for a moment he just stood there, listening.

"Madison? Is that you?" he asked hesitantly.

"Why, yes, dear. It is." I retorted snidely.

"What's wrong?" he asked, concern lacing his voice as he pulled the curtain back. I had already seen him naked, it was nothing new. I clutched the gun tightly in both hands hand raised it slowly.

"How dare you? How dare you make me kill her? I loved her more than I'll ever love you. You're a hideous, horrible demon that deserves nothing more than to rot in the bowels of hell. You're a selfish, self centered whore of a man I thought I loved. You'll never be anything more to me than the one who ruined my life. I can't believe I'm even giving you this speech, but you need to know the pain I've been through. You drove me to insanity."

I took a breath and watched his eyes grow wide with confusion as he backed into the bathroom wall. "I don't understand," he said grabbing a towel and holding it in front of him as if it would save his life.

"Of course you don't." I spat, glaring at him in disgust.

_I honestly don't know what possessed him to think what he thought next._

"This is all some sort of joke, isn't it?" he asked. I looked at him like he was a retarded and he took it for me thinking that he had caught me. Now it was his turn to laugh the laugh of a madman, but instead of it sounding like he was blood thirsty and crazed, it just sounded like he had lost his marbles.

He climbed out of the tub and walked toward me; my hand began to shake. He stepped up close to me until the end of the gun was directly over his heart and reached behind me to grab his clothes. "I knew you wouldn't shoot," he said smugly, kissing my forehead. He backed up and began to climb into his clothes.

"I didn't shoot because I'm not finished lecturing you. I want you to know _why_ you have to die," my voice was shaky, but I never loosened my grip on the gun.

"Hmph. Go for it. I'm all ears." He pulled his boxers on nonchalantly.

"You drove me to insanity, Christopher. You made me _think_ I loved you. You said the most wonderful things. Made me feel like you really understood. Made me feel like a fricken' princess!"—my voice began to rise as tears spilled from my eyes, all of my fears coming true—"I did everything for you! Gave you my world on a damn silver platter! I gave up my life for you! Devoted only to you, just as you asked, but the one time I ask for something in return you become like everyone else and never give back! I thought you were gonna be different! I thought you were gonna be the one! You were slowly killing me on the inside! You couldn't you just kill me, Christopher? _Why_? You could've killed me that very day! No, you raped me instead! I _waited_ for you! You never came, Christopher! _You never came_!"

"I'm here now dammit!" he yelled back, throwing a razor at me. It hit me in the face and sliced my skin open right under my eye making my tears turn blood red.

My voice had been shaking again as I spilled my feelings, but I took a few deep breaths and closed my eyes and Christopher pulled on his jeans and shirt, allowing the tears to stop. He was about to start buttoning his shirt when I opened my eyes again, the flames of my rage burning with in them as they bore into his eyes. He swallowed loudly, finally realizing I was serious.

"It's too late, Christopher. You said soon, but it wasn't soon enough."

"No you can't do this." I stepped forward and he stepped back falling into the tub.

"Watch me." I said flatly, stepping forward again to where I was standing over him, the gun slightly tilted toward him.

**Why can't you look me in the eyes one last time?**

He closed his eyes tightly and turned his head away.

"Open your eyes! I want you to look me in the eyes when I kill you! I want you to see the pain you caused me! All the months I wasted slowly dying on the inside because of you! I want you to feel the pain, Christopher!" I yelled at him.

His eyes flew open and stared into mine in horror.

"I love you, Madison! Don't do this!"

My voice dropped to a whisper just loud enough for him to hear," Love me dead."

_Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!_

I shot him five times: In the heart, in the head, in the throat, in his right hand, and right under his left eye. My aim never faltered.

The heart for all the false love he gave me. The head for the insanity he caused me. The throat for all the lies he fed me. His right hand is the one he slapped me with. That razor had cut me under my left eye.

After I finished I laid the gun in the tub of blood as a tribute to my finished job. I walked out of the bathroom with blood splattered across my body and sat on the hotel room bed waiting for the police to arrive. Five minutes later I was finger printed and in a juvenile detention center.

However, seeing as I did everything appropriately and was good in the detention center they allowed me to go back to Lafayette High on the last day to say bye to the school for good.

**So I say goodbye to a town that has ears and eyes**

**I can hear you whispering as I walk by**

**Familiar faces smiling back at me and I knew**

**This would make them change**

**The only thing that's going to bother me**

**Is that you'll all call yourselves my friends**

I walked onto the ground in the morning and stayed all day. People parted when I passed and whispered as I walked past. I knew they all knew. I didn't care.

When there was about fifteen minutes left in eighth period all of my old 'friends' from LHS came out and spoke to me, telling me bye and getting the real story. Beth actually cried, but I knew she would be glad when I was gone. No one has room in their heart for a killer. Plus, half of them probably just wanted to get another look at the psycho freak. They're probably all laughing about me right now.

After I left LHS—and after being called names and getting physically and verbally attacked by the kids there—I was taken back to the detention center where I slowly pretended to develop signs of insanity. After about three months of me crying like a new born after dinner every night, refusing to talk to anyone but myself, and naming every inanimate object there and giving them genders, the guards brought me to a mental hospital.

I've stayed for a week. I was silent and ate every day, slept normally at night, and never showed any sign of being insane. They never even found the gun I snuck in. And now I'm writing this to let the world know what really happened that day.

I'm leaving this letter, my insane tale, for all of my fake friends, for Alicia—my one true love, and for Christopher the boy who taught me the most valuable lesson I'll ever learn: Earth is just another name for Hell.

_You all should've killed me when you had the chance._

**But should I write it all off?**

**But should I write it all off?**

**But should I write it all off?**

**But should I... ?**

_Bang!_

**You should have killed me when you had the chance**


End file.
